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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33212
By Elaine Paretsky
February 19, 2003 | Issue 39•06
I don't understand why some people have to build themselves up by tearing other people down. Everywhere I go these days, I hear people making nasty comments about Michael Jackson's appearance. Well, I think Michael Jackson looks very nice.
Michael clearly cares about his appearance, which I find refreshing in a young person. He always looks so well-groomed and has nice, new-looking clothes. And his slacks always appear clean and pressed. So many of the stars today walk around looking all sloppy and disheveled, like they just rolled out of bed. They wear the backwards baseball caps and baggy pants that are falling off their tushies. Michael, on the other hand, always wears a matching pantsuit or a handsome jacket with gold braids.
I don't know if Michael gets his hair fixed somewhere, but it's always done up very nice. I don't particularly love his current style, with the hair down in front of his eyes, but that is his choice and I still think it looks just fine. Certainly miles better than the other stars you see out there, who look like they've never even heard of a comb.
Some people have to criticize, criticize, criticize all the time. Maybe if they had better self-esteem, they wouldn't need to cut other people down. Don't you think? I'll admit, his eyes do look a little bit strange, but we can't all be born looking like Cary Grant, can we? Some of us have to make do with what the good Lord gave us. I don't care what anyone says: I think he is a very handsome young man. And I just love his cute little button nose.
Then there's that TV interview everyone's giving him such a hard time about. I, for one, thought it was very courteous of Michael to take time out of his busy schedule writing songs and taking care of his children to talk to ABC. I wonder if anyone even thanked him. Why is everyone making fun of what he said? That just isn't very nice. I hope he doesn't get too down on himself after hearing the mean things people are saying.
From what I can tell, Michael seems like a very pleasant person. When I see him on awards shows, he is always so polite and well-mannered. I can barely even hear his soft voice without turning up the television. Yet all the talk-show hosts make fun of him. They show his picture, and everyone in the audience laughs. Well, I don't see what's so darn funny. I don't think it's ever appropriate to laugh at another person, especially someone who has gone through all that he has, what with all those divorces. My son Matthew went through a divorce five years ago, and it was a very hard time for him. I'm sure it will be no time at all before another lucky lady snaps Michael up, though. He has more than enough time to settle down and make a fresh start with someone new.
I remember that adorable little singing group Michael was in with his brothers. There's nothing more important than family. I appreciate a young man who still finds family important. They sang that song about learning your ABCs that was very cute. Unlike those rapper singers, Michael never uses dirty language in his songs. They are always very classy.
Did you know that Michael Jackson lives on a ranch with all sorts of exotic animals? Doesn't that sound wonderful? I sure do love my little terrier Spanky. He's less like a pet and more like a friend. Michael is someone who loves animals enough to give them a home—how could anyone say that is bad? When I visited my daughter in Chicago, we went to a botanical garden and it was just beautiful. I'll bet his ranch is absolutely lovely.
A few weeks ago, there were all those pictures in the paper of Michael holding his baby, and there was some brouhaha over it. Someone's always trying to stir up trouble. I couldn't tell, but that baby looked cute as a button to me. Isn't it nice to see a man proudly showing off his little boy? When I was growing up, it wasn't unusual for a father to leave all the parenting to the women, so it sure brings a smile to my face to see Michael surrounded by all those children.
Once, when I was in line at the supermarket, I saw a magazine with a photo of Michael wearing a surgical mask. There was some nasty headline above it, as if it's okay to make fun of someone for being sick. What has this world come to?
Michael, if you're reading this, just remember: If anyone says anything bad about you, it's only because they're jealous. |
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